the past two years, i have deeply enjoyed participating in the Church calendar, especially through the lenten & easter season. since i attend a congregation that is very low church in worship style & that doesn’t traditionally celebrate holy days at all, i decided last year to attend the catholic church down the street from our house. i loved it. i had never been to a catholic mass before, & it revolutionized my approach to worship & God. the reverence & the ritual awakened a part of my heart i hadn’t know existed. in part, the experience contributed to my recent obsession with season & rhythm.
still, however much i loved mass & continue to enjoy being semi-catholic during the spring, i cannot escape how very protestant i am. being a lover of top ten lists, i couldn’t resist writing one on all the ways you can tell a person is protestant at catholic mass. i hope you get a good laugh from it & don’t mistake anything i write for disrespect. i dearly love my catholic brethren & their traditions!
you might be a protestant if…
10. …you have trouble kneeling for more than a minute & a half.
9. …incense gives you a headache.
8. …you’ve never heard of the prophet baruch.
7. …your glutes hurt the day after prayers of intercession.
6. …you realize only after sitting down that you were supposed to kneel in the aisle first.
5. …you’re the only one singing along with the hymns within a 10 foot radius.
4. …you cheat during the kneeling parts by keeping your rear on the pew.
3. …an hour & fifteen minutes into mass you start getting antsy.
2. …you have to suppress saying “amen” during a rousing homily.
1. …you mumble along to the various responses as if you’re “in the know” while looking furtively around you trying to figure out what everyone else is saying & trying to commit it to memory for the next time you’re at mass.